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Rio's Diaries
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DATE: 3rd November 2005
Yo everbody! watta gwarnin? how iz all of youz? now some of youz may have read my online diary yesterday...
...well it turns out for it to be a proper diary you have to write it more dan once, so da gaffer (carlos) said i have to write it again today, innit? i already said ok, but then keano got me in a well minging headlock anyway for agez, and then mike phelan shouts at me "defend this!" and den gives me a proper mental chinese burn, but it didnt even hurt, whatever!...
so, i know some of youz iz finkin dat we've got some issuez to address after the embarassment last night. 1st of all, i have to tell you dat i'm hurtin as much as any man u fan right about now. it was shockin! diabolikal! n i never want to be seen like dat again- on da way back all i was dressed in was a united trackie! i lost my goochy sunglasses, i cant believe it! but i promise youz i will never embarass da club like dat again, trust, believe, believe yo!
also as youz know some of da united fan massive have been getting a bit mentalist. well let explain suttin, yeah? arfter da game i walked over to da united fanz dat was in da stand behind da goal, and dey were all doing V-signs, i had to hexplain to dem "yo guyz, bruvahz! dont do victory signz like dat, we actually lost yeah? innit?" well mentalist!
so anywayz, as dose of you dat read my diary yesterday will know me and roy keano are da room-mates together and dat, yeah? well arfter da game i was proper gutted, so i thought to myself " reo, what will cheer me up, innit?" so you know what i did? i rang my bruvah anton, i thought we could do some RnB vocal harmonising over da fone. so anyway, dere i was with anton singing "end of da road" by boyz-2-men, and den in walks keano, and he just says to me "aye, that'll be right, its the end of the road for you rio" and he started proper laughing at me! so i puffed out my chest at him and sucked my teeths and said "shut up roy" then he gets me in another headlock, ya gets me? then he mashes my head against da wall, and my head proper brook up!
..so me not feelin too good today, ya getz me?
laterz, yeah?
DATE: 4th November 2005
Yo bredrinz! Once again i'm back to rock da house wid my diary, and to big up all da manchester united posse, yeah? as some of you maybe know from yesterday...
...tingz havent exactly been 2 good for old reo lately. someone (mentioning no names coz reo aint no grass, but it was some old irish midfield head who normally likes to kick guys like alf-ina-da-hoorland) has been getting me in a lot of headlocks lately and i dont appreciate it! but whatever, me and my mandems are gonna jump him later, so he best just watch, i swear down, i swear down, i swear on my agents life!. (i'm gonna knock him out, trust! believe yo, believe!
anyways, i was hoping you guyz could help me out wid a lickle problem, yeah? now, youz all know dat reo is a bonafide PLAYA wid da ladeez, innit? what wiv all my good looks and personality, yeah? i pulled kirsty galliger, so what does that tell youz? exactly, innit?! so whatever, anywayz, believe it or not reo has had a lickle problem ina dis department. dere is dis one gal dat me got my mince pies on ("mince pies" is "eyes" ina da cockney talk , what did you muppetz fink i was northern or suttin? no way man!). anyway, yeah? i like dis one bird, but she is a student, yeah? i tellz her "me too, reo iz a student of life, i graduated from da skool of hard knockz, peckum campus, with honours in gangsta!" she just laughed, but then she said "whatever! laterz, innit?" or suttin like dat, i couldnt work out all her wordz, some of dem was big like she was showing off. (by da way, duz any of you headz know what "imbecile" meanz? she kept saying that). so anyway, reo well like dis gal, but me dont know how to pull her, she aints like any bird i ever met before! she study "philosophophery" or suttin', now i sayz to her "what iz dat? you're not a egghead or suttin are you?" she says its all about thought, and thinking and knowledge and ting? ya getz me?
but check dis!!! she even read books, yeah, what arent written by gangstaz about dere lifestory!! come on now, watta gwarn? youz guyz are studentz and office-bwoy and ting, so she like youz. so how do me - reo- pull a FINE gal like dis?
big up yourselvez!!! bookah! bookah!
HOLLAH!!!
DATE: 7th November 2005
Do you, do you like it? is it, is it wicked? i'm lovin it, lovin it, lovin it! i'm lovin it like dis!
it woz da bestest of times, it woz da worstest of times! yo man, wot a crazy busy weekend reo has had! for those of youz memberz of da man u krew dat read my diary on friday, you will know about my plan to jump dat playa-hater roy keane wiv my boyz after what he has been calling me. so i got my crew together- me, micky silverstar and peeny-man. (peeny-man iz my agent, his proper name iz pini zaharaviumbongo or suttin, i said to him you needz to get a proper english name like reo, innit yeah?). now peeny-man is from israelialand and micky is from france, and dose arent really violent places like wot peckum iz, so i hadz to teach my boyz a lickle bit about armed combat first, yeah? anywayz, so me, micky and peeny-man all waited for keano after training, and when he came out i jumped him from behind and did a well bad clothes-line on him, then when he was down i did an elbow drop, yeah? and there was claret everywhere. then i was just about to do a pile-driver but keano started going sick and he grabbed me and peeny-man and got us both in headlocks, and den he shouts at micky "yo melonhead, you better get off, innit?" so micky just jets off. i thought he was supposed to be one of my sparz! my head was burried in keano's armpit for time, and i dont know what happened but john o'sh** came over and took care of peeny-man. i dont know what he did but peeny-man was walking like john wayne afterwards, ya get me? as for me, keano dragged me to some railings and den tied me by my dreadz to them. it wasnt funny, yeah? i had to wait half an hour until janette from da canteen came over and untied me. it proper hurt, but i didnt cry. dis aint over roy!!! ya get me?
anywayz, saturday was a well betterer day dan friday. i went to da macky deez in TC (Trafford Centre, yeah?). i got a mcchicken sandwich meal. i met dis well bum gal in dere (bum meanz good in da slang by da way). she was well fit, and she was well impressed wiv da bulge in my trousers, so i took it out, and she thought my wallet was brilliant! but den i thought, "nah reo, dis gal iz a golddigger!" so i said to her "yo, reo dont want no dutty big mac gal!" after dat, i shifted most of da nine-bar. big up! den i went home and me and peeny-man played playstation for 3 hours, i dont know what was up wiv peeny-man but he never sat down da whole time! wierd man! now, my mandem david james said playstation makes your concentration proper robbish, but how can dat be true? just look at reo, innit?
so da day after saturday was sunday and i had a game for man u. i met my old mandems from my old east end krew- fat frank (dat is one well-connected guy, his dad and uncle used to be da big bossman ina da east-end, ya get me?) and lil joe. i just watta take dis moment to give a shout out to a manz like original walthamstow RnB headz east 17 mc brian harvey, tony mortimer and levi da dog, also big up a gal like daniella westbrook (i nose wot you been through girl!). anywayz, fat frank used to be my best friend, but now me and him dont get on no more. man, we used to share gal in da old dayz but not no more! anyway frank says to me "reo man, i'm da besteset playa in da world!" i said "shut up frank!" and den he sayz "shut up reo!" and den lil joe says "shut up reo!" and den i said "shut up lil joe!" and den dey both said "shut up reo!" and den i said "shut up youz guyz!" and den i sucked my teeth at dem and stuck out my chest. bookah! bookah! believe. after da game i put my white suit on and my bling and i watched scarface again. i've seen it 148 and a half times now! do you fink dat is a world record or suttin?
laterz, yeah?
oh, by da way we won da game 1-0. big up a man like darren fletcher, and all da man u fanz for their nuff hollering! did youz guyz see da game?
DATE: 8th November 2005
Yo guyz! How is tingz wit all of youz? it seemz to me like all youz guyz seem to love dis diary as much as da gal love reo, innit? well i donts blame dem, and i dont blame youz either! you see reo live a life of a bonafidez international playa...
...if jamez bond played football and was mad into da hip-hop dat would be reo, innit? d'y'knowat-i-mean? dey call me mistah boombastic, semi-fantastic, mistah ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude! big up!
well anywayz, yesterday was one wicked day let me tell you! it was ma burfday, yeah? and i had a surprise party. i knew about it last week, but i forgot so it was a surprise, ya get me? anyway, all my friendz came out- micky, wez, peeny-man (my agent), edwin, john o'sh**, sven, fat ron. fat ron iz my main man, he used to manage man u before dat fergie guy did, yeah? fat ron is a pioneer ina da football, he changed da face of da game and da social landscape of da U of K. he was da 1st man to introduce bling into football! let me tell you, ron alwayz wore bare fat medalionz, and big sov ringz. da man had more gold dan Mr T!! he had more ice dan Mr Squishy!! believe! fat ron, my number one brother, trust! anyway yeah, whatever, loadz of my family came up by coach to manchestah for my party, as did some mandemz back from da peckum dayz (although they were already on da run from da dibble anyway).
so for my party we went to da megabowl on kingsway at parrswood! it was wicked, i got two strikes (one of dem wasnt a proper strike but i got out my G-10 gat gun, and i went "blap! blap! blap!" on da pinz and blasted dem over: STRIKE!!! I didnt win though, peen-man won, so i gave him a dead arm. wa-pow!
after da bowling, guess what? we went to pizza hut next door! let me tell you, it was da dogz, ya get me? dose guyz make da best food in da world! datz italianz though, dey know how to cook, innit? i had da new boombastic jamaican pizza, it tasted like godz own sh**, datz how nice if was! i felt sorry for sven though, dere wasnt enough space for everyone on da big table so he sat on his own. but it was ok in da end, because my auntie shaneece went over to keep him company, hey- hactually now i fink about it we never did find out where dose 2 disappeared to! big up sven, da true playa! bookah! bookah!
after dat we went to teaserz in town, and i drank nuff beerz, and some lickle student muppet tried to take a picture of me so i blaarted him upside his head! bookah! bookah!
peace, believe!
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